


Birthday Girl

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: #coulsonlives, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adorable Hulk, Age Play, Angst, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, Birthday, Birthday Cake, Birthday Party, Birthday Presents, Bruce & Hulk Interaction, Cake, Canon-Typical Violence, Confusion, Current Environment Is Safe, Emotional Baggage, Families of Choice, Family, Female Friendship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Games, Gen, Gifts, Hulk Feels, Hulk is a genius too, Intimacy, Making up for lost time, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Multiplicity/Plurality, No Sex, Nonsexual Ageplay, Past Abuse, Personal Growth, Safe Haven, Safety, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Siblings, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Teambuilding, Teamwork, The cake is never a lie!, Tickling, Touching, Traditions, Trust, Trust Issues, Unconventional Families, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-14
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-14 23:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 9,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/842350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doombots crash a beautiful spring day in the park. The Avengers clean up the mess. This includes Natasha's rather confused longing for something she never had: a birthday party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Balloons

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a sequel to "[Love Is for Children](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9139725.html)," "[Eggshells](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9155908.html)," "[Dolls and Guys](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9184702.html)," "[Turnabout Is Fair Play](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9196780.html)," and "[Touching Moments](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9203348.html)," "[Splash](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9209156.html)," and "[Coming Around](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9234967.html)."
> 
> If you've been reading this series for the ageplay, that's about half of this, and everything in the story angles toward it. If you read between the lines you'll see some darker psychological stuff, mostly relating to Natasha and Bruce. The tone is mostly fluff.
> 
> A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.

A beautiful spring day drew people outdoors in droves. They filled the parks and spilled out into the streets. Naturally Victor von Doom decided to ruin this idyll with an attack on New York. The Avengers dealt with the Doombots while the Fantastic Four went after Victor himself.

Most of the heroes came through combat unscathed, but the Doombots managed to drop an entire truck on Captain America. Agent Coulson called for immediate extraction so Captain America could be hustled to SHIELD medical in time to set the broken bones before they healed in all the wrong angles. Iron Man took out his extreme displeasure on the remaining robots.

The citizens of New York likewise expressed their resentment over the villain's intrusion. Agent Coulson surveyed the aftermath of the battle, noting examples of their outrage. A small Hispanic gang had beaten one Doombot to scrap with a garbage can and several crowbars. An unknown party or parties had locked another onto a lamppost with bicycle chains. _The SHIELD technicians will be delighted to get their hands on a relatively undamaged specimen,_ thought Agent Coulson.

Hulk walked through the remnants of a birthday party. Brightly colored paper lay scattered around, trampled into the short green grass. A Doombot had faceplanted into the rose-pink cake. The balloon vendor's cart sprawled on its side, surrounded by balloons. "Sad," Hulk said, his massive shoulders drooping.

"Yes, it is," Agent Coulson agreed. He jotted down what identifying details he could make out. The Avengers would want to know what happened to the children, and if possible, make up for the spoiled party. "We'll do what we can to make things right."

Hulk lifted the cart and set it upright, though it sagged over a broken wheel. Black Widow and Hawkeye picked their way through the wreckage. He rested a light hand on the small of her back. She looked down at the ruin of cheerful colors, torn paper blowing in the spring breeze, her face an impassive mask. Agent Coulson worried about her; Black Widow could be unpredictably sensitive or indifferent to matters concerning children.

"Pretty," Hulk said as he reached for the remaining balloons.

"Whoa, hey, careful!" Hawkeye exclaimed, waving his hands at Hulk. "Those balloons will pop if you squeeze them too hard -- make a loud noise. You might not like that."

Agent Coulson froze. He'd seen people react badly to balloons or fireworks that sounded too much like gunfire. It made sense that Hulk had an increased startle response after his experiences. Frightened Hulk tended to raise the collateral damage quotient by a sizable margin.

"No bloons?" Hulk said mournfully. He gave them a pleading look.

"You may play with the balloons if you wish, Hulk," Agent Coulson said. "Just be careful with them. Don't smash anything if the balloons pop." The Avengers were trying to give Hulk more opportunities for interaction after a battle. Broadening his experiences beyond violence might help him stay calm.

"Such silliness over a bit of rubber," Black Widow said in a cool tone.

"You have something against balloons?" asked Agent Coulson. _If she does, better to find out this way than by causing an incident,_ he thought.


	2. Genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawkeye and Hulk play catch with a balloon. Black Widow continues not getting the appeal of this and other cultural traditions.

She shrugged. "No. I just never had the time for them. I do not see the appeal."

"Well ... because they're _fun,"_ Hawkeye said. "We used to sell 'em at the circus. Kids love balloons. They come in all colors, and the helium ones float." He picked up a purple balloon and turned to Hulk. "Here, buddy, hold out your hands." Hulk did. Hawkeye placed the balloon in the huge green palms.

Hulk gazed down at it resting safely in his grasp. "Pretty bloon," he said. Then he looked up at Hawkeye. "Show Bruce ... Hulk gentle?"

Hawkeye grinned. "You are a _genius,"_ he declared, backing a few steps out of Hulk's reach. Hulk shook his head. "No, don't give me that, Jolly Green. Bruce may be a hotshot with science, but when it comes to people, he's pretty much clueless. _You_ are the one with the people smarts. Coulson, get a camera on us and film this, yeah?"

Agent Coulson tweaked the security apparatus to record the activity and sequester it in a secure location. "Ready when you are, Hawkeye," he said.

"And, _action!"_ Hawkeye said. He held up his hands. "Hulk, toss me the balloon." The purple sphere wobbled through the air. Hawkeye caught it delicately. "Now I'm going to throw it back, and you do just what I did. Catch it real soft." Hawkeye lobbed the balloon at him.

Hulk cupped his hands again and caught the fragile thing with exquisite care. "Hulk do right?" he asked, hungry for praise.

"You did exactly right!" Hawkeye said. "Keep it going, big guy."

"Hulk looks so fierce, yet he is so tender inside," Black Widow said as she watched the game. "I am the opposite."

"We're all capable of being fierce or tender as the occasion requires," Agent Coulson reminded her. _Some of us with more precision than others_.

"It must be nice to live in that kind of world," she said, not looking at him. Her gaze fixed on the trappings of a childhood that she never had.

Hulk ambled over with the ribbon of a helium balloon pinched carefully between thumb and forefinger. Across the silver mylar, rainbow letters spelled _Happy Birthday_. Hulk held out the balloon to her and said, "Happy, Red."

She crossed her arms. "It's not my birthday. I don't have one."

"Everyone born, everyone have birthday," Hulk said in a stunning display of logic for someone who rarely used it. "Red here, have birthday." He moved the balloon an inch closer.

"He has a point," Agent Coulson said. It bothered him to see her shutting down her emotions so completely, but he knew better than to push when she got like this. The most he dared do was make factual remarks. _I wonder what in the world set her off so badly,_ he thought. _If any of the children got hurt, maybe_ ...

"Not me," Black Widow said in response to Hulk's claim. "That's one more thing the Red Room stole from me."

"Steal back," Hulk said. He gave the shiny balloon a tempting wiggle.

"Jeez, Black Widow, just take the darn thing from him already. You're gonna make him cry," Hawkeye said. He moved closer so that he could wrap an arm around Hulk's tree-sized leg. They touched often, now, after a battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is possible to play catch with a balloon filled only with air, although it's easier with a water balloon or some other weight. There are many other [games](http://www.youthwork-practice.com/games/balloon-games.html) and [activities](http://www.wilderdom.com/games/descriptions/gamesballoons.html) with balloons.
> 
> Hulk's genius stat is [emotional intelligence](http://www.talentsmart.com/about/emotional-intelligence.php), spanning both [interpersonal](http://www.angelfire.com/mi3/interpersonal/) and [intrapersonal](http://mrbelloblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Intrapersonal-intelligence-self-smart.pdf) aspects.  Conversely this is one of Bruce's weakest areas.
> 
> [Gentleness](http://voices.yahoo.com/gentleness-forgotten-virtue-susan-r-stoltz-6490984.html?cat=41) is the virtue of being tender with people and things.  It can be [taught](http://www.imom.com/parenting/tikes/parenting/training/good-character-for-kids-how-to-teach-gentleness-to-your-kids/) and [learned](http://creativeeveryday.com/creativeeveryday/2010/01/how-to-be-gentle-with-your-body-and-your-art.html).  It is closely connected with [power exchange](http://www.powerandsurrender.com/?page_id=73).  Notice that while the Avengers choose to continue their high-pressure profession, they compensate by cultivating a [gentle home life](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pathological-relationships/201207/living-the-gentle-life-part-one).
> 
> The birthday balloon looks [something like this](http://www.partysrus.ca/sites/default/files/imagecache/product_full/71329_bday_cupcake_na.jpg).
> 
> Hulk really is using [basic if-then logic](http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/using-ifthen-logic.html).  Black Widow is alive, therefore she was born, therefore she has a birthday.  This is not Hulk's best mode, but he can pull it out of the shared brain and make it work for simple purposes.
> 
> The Red Room trained operatives in [emotional shutdown](http://caygin.wordpress.com/chapters-3/emotional-shut-down/).  So Black Widow has a very [flat emotional range](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blunted_affect), even now. Phil is working to help her expand that in more healthy ways, but it's a slow process.


	3. Ribbon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hulk and Coulson talk to Black Widow about birthdays.

Hulk did look sad, Coulson realized, but also concerned. So did Hawkeye. _Black Widow is worrying everyone and doesn't even see it,_ Coulson thought.

"Not cry for Hulk. Cry for Red," Hulk said.

She snatched the ribbon out of his hand. "Nobody cries over me," said Black Widow.

"Okay, so Banner's not the only one around here working with some seriously outdated information," Hawkeye said, looking at his sister.

"Want birthday?" Hulk asked her, his voice a velvet rumble.

"I don't know," said Black Widow. She looked around, her face still blank, eyes shimmering. "I don't know _how_ to want such things!"

"Would you like to try anyway?" Coulson offered. In some ways she was the least flexible of them, and he didn't want to break her by pushing her out of character too far or too hard. It was difficult to coax her into exploring anything new; she had been trained to harsh routines. But Hulk was clearly onto something, and Coulson was beginning to trust the big guy's grasp of emotional matters.

"I'm no good at this!" she burst out, flinging up her hands. "I can't even want the right kind of _cake."_

 _Well, that's a complete non sequitur,_ Coulson thought. "As it's traditional for the recipient to choose, all kinds of cake appear at birthday parties."

"It's a wedding cake," she said in a small voice. "Made of black walnut flour. With whipped cream icing."

"Whatever you want will be fine," Coulson assured her.

"Birthday girl," Hulk said, lifting one thick finger to stroke the coppery riot of her hair.

Black Widow turned and stalked away toward the waiting quinjet.

"It's not your fault, Jolly Green," Hawkeye said with a sigh, hugging him close. "She just stiffens up like that sometimes. Been that way ever since I've known her." The Red Room had tried to turn her into an automaton, and nearly succeeded. It left her with a lot of emotional scar tissue.

"Hulk know," he said. His emerald gaze followed her as she disappeared. He draped a massive arm around Hawkeye. "Not Red fault. Bad people fault."

"Thank you, Hulk," said Coulson. "I don't think she would have talked even as much as she did without your help. I couldn't have gotten through to her alone." It had never stopped him from trying, though.

 _"If_ we got through," Hawkeye muttered. "It's like talking to a wall."

"Give it a little time. I'll speak with her again later," Coulson said.

Just then, Iron Man arrived with a rush of thrusters. "Good to see you, Hulk," he said. "It looks like I'm your ride home today. Cap's gonna be fine, but he's stuck in medical for a few hours. We can pick him up after debriefing."

Agent Coulson appropriated an abandoned blanket to drape over Hulk for the transformation. The shift went fast -- it was getting easier every time -- and then Iron Man bundled a woozy Banner into his arms.

Hawkeye was still carrying the purple balloon as they trooped into the quinjet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Resistance to new ideas is called [neophobia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neophobia). Once people adopt a stance, they tend to stick with it; ideology functions as a kind of [mental immune system](http://www.skeptic.com/eskeptic/11-01-26/). This can be helpful if the base system is healthy, or harmful if it's flawed. Some organizations train people not to question customs or try new things, as a [means of control](http://www.inplainsite.org/html/mind_control.html).  [Mind control](http://suite101.com/article/mind-control-is-a-form-of-emotional-abuse-a124456) itself is a form of [emotional abuse](http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/?page_id=168).  Opportunities open the way for [novelty or resistance](http://www.plazabridgegroup.com/2011/05/02/opportunity-meet-resistance-6-tips-to-overcoming-resistance-to-new-ideas/). It's [important to try new things](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201004/trying-new-things), and there are [tips for doing that safely](http://www.ehow.com/how_2282483_try-new-things.html).
> 
> People who come from a deprived environment may show indifference to positive stimuli. They just don't react to things that folks usually find enjoyable. The [deprivation can damage brain development](https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/issue_briefs/brain_development/effects.cfm), especially in children but also in adults. Survivors may have [apathy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apathy), a general disinterest and lack of motivation; and/or [anhedonia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia), an inability to experience pleasure. This can overlap the [emotional flatline](http://www.the-crumpet.com/2012/10/depression-awareness-flatline.html) effect of [depression](http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/depression).
> 
> Trauma, abuse, and deprivation can create [emotional scar tissue](http://www.mindpub.com/art321.htm%20).  This [affects behavior](http://www.noomii.com/articles/331-the-tragedy-of-emotional-scars) later in life.  Like the physical equivalent, emotional scar tissue [forms to protect injured areas](http://hurthelpheal.com/2011/08/22/the-importance-of-scar-tissue/) and is usually less sensitive than the original.  People may [deal with their own emotional scars](http://hurthelpheal.com/2011/08/24/more-perspectives-on-emotional-scar-tissue/) differently than those of other people.  There are [tips for healing](http://www.ehow.com/how_4558328_heal-emotional-wounds-scars.html).
> 
> The Russian wedding cake is real. Unfortunately I got the recipe out of a hardcopy book, many years ago; I no longer have it and can't find it online. But you can read about [black walnuts](http://honest-food.net/2010/12/14/black-walnuts-and-holiday-cheer/), which it used instead of wheat flour, and a similar [whipped cream frosting](http://cookeatshare.com/recipes/chocolate-cupcakes-with-vanilla-whipped-cream-frosting-621465/external).  One of my readers found [this recipe](http://artemisherbals.com/2011/09/black-walnut-cake/) for a cake with lots of finely chopped black walnuts; not identical, but enough to carry the flavor.   found a recipe for [Hungarian flourless hazelnut cake](http://allrecipes.com/recipe/hungarian-flourless-hazelnut-cake/), which is exactly the same approach just using a different nut to grind for flour; substitute black walnuts and it should work.  [This recipe](http://cookingwithabroad.com/2011/07/flourless-walnut-cake/) doesn't specify black walnuts, and there shouldn't be coffee in the whipped cream, but otherwise it sounds right.  Woohoo, [this recipe is almost exactly like what I remember](https://books.google.com.sg/books?id=IyshAgAAQBAJ&pg=PT382&lpg=PT382&dq=russian+walnut+flour&source=bl&ots=XgHVxUiNij&sig=psvlPzleAszpi-3nRbu2pt61OkA&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjtzeWUjYnYAhXERo8KHU2JBAM4KBDoAQhGMAc#v=onepage&q=russian%20walnut%20flour&f=false), although I don't think mine had filling.


	4. Souvenir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil tucks in his tired Avengers at home. Bruce proceeds to have a quiet freakout over the hard proof that Hulk is more than just an uncontrollable ragemonster.

Phil hovered over his battle-weary team as soon as he got them home. Steve was mobile but sore all over, balanced carefully between Tony and Clint. Wanting a distraction and some company, Steve refused to go to bed. Phil agreed since Steve wasn't in any danger, just uncomfortable. Clint helped Steve settle on the common room couch supported by pillows, and Tony put _Ratatouille_ on the viewscreen.

Bruce was likewise mobile, as long as Phil and Natasha kept him upright, but he was nowhere near functional. Bruce didn't want to leave Steve, so they let him curl up on the loveseat with another pile of pillows. The other Avengers flopped into chairs around them, not really wanting to be separated either. Phil set a crockpot of chili to heat and went back to the common room.

Bruce clutched the purple balloon and asked Phil, "Why did Clint give me this?"

"It's a souvenir," Phil said. "It goes with this." He handed Bruce a Starkpad queued to the relevant footage.

Bruce watched the video of Hulk and Clint playing catch. "This is the same balloon?" he asked, looking up at Phil.

"Yep, same one," Clint answered. "Hulk likes 'bloons' a lot."

"It really is," Phil said. He rested a reassuring hand on Bruce's shoulder.

"The Other Guy didn't pop it," Bruce said slowly, rubbing his fingertips over the delicate sphere. He ran the video again. "Why are they so far apart? Hawkeye is standing outside Hulk's reach. I thought they liked each other? They were cuddling in the pictures you've showed me before ..."

_Bruce misses sock-Clint,_ Phil suspected. He reached over and brought up a few still images, including the one of Hawkeye hugging Hulk while Hulk tried to hand the mylar balloon to Black Widow. "They got in their hugs later," Phil said.

"Playing with the balloons was Hulk's idea. He wanted to show you that he can be gentle," Clint explained to Bruce. "Playing catch was my idea. I thought it might not bother you as much if I stood back."

Bruce tugged off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "That, um ... this is ..."

"Hey, are you okay?" Clint scrambled out of his chair to crouch beside Bruce and clasp his knee in an offer of support.

"No, not really," Bruce said, his voice shaking. Under Phil's hand, his shoulder trembled too. "You just ... kind of disproved what I thought was a robust theory. I'm not ... I can't ... this isn't something I can ignore anymore. Balloons are _fragile_. If the Other Guy can do that, handle them safely ... then it's _real,_ it has to be, and..." Bruce hiccupped to a stop. He took a deep breath. "I can't do this right now. I'm too tired. I'll, I'll think about it later." He handed the Starkpad to Phil. He didn't let go of the balloon, though. "Can I just watch the movie?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _[Ratatouille](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ratatouille_\(film\))_ is a whimsical movie about a rat who wants to be a chef.
> 
> [Gentleness](http://letseatgrandpa.com/2012/11/01/cultivate-gentleness-what-is-gentleness/) is an expression of strength bounded by control and compassion. It's not necessary to be gentle with unbreakable things, but rather with fragile things. The greater one's strength, the greater the need to be gentle because more things are breakable in comparison. There are ways to [cultivate gentleness and compassion](http://www.pandys.org/articles/tensteps.html). Here are more [exercises in gentleness](http://thoughtbythought.net/keepsake-1-be-gentle).
> 
> [Cognitive dissonance](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance) happens when two contradictory ideas occupy the same mental space. For example, "Hulk is a monster incapable of being gentle" and "Here is Hulk holding a balloon without popping it." People tend to hate cognitive dissonance. A common way to resolve it is by [lying to oneself](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/10/19/fighting-cognitive-dissonance-the-lies-we-tell-ourselves/). There are other, [more positive solutions](http://psychology.about.com/od/cognitivepsychology/f/dissonance.htm) too. Cognitive dissonance can also be applied for [personal growth](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200911/better-living-through-cognitive-dissonance).
> 
> Now here's where we start to see the _cool_ things about Bruce. He is stubborn, but not _stupid_. He is a scientist, and he's deeply invested in that identity. So that shapes how he deals with the Other Guy. First we have the idea of [falsifiability](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falsifiability): a legitimately framed [hypothesis](http://www.sciencebuddies.org/blog/2010/02/a-strong-hypothesis.php) is one that could be disproven. A piece of evidence that disproves a hypothesis is often called a white crow, although the falsifiability source article is using black swans instead, and Bruce has a purple balloon. [Confirmation bias](http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias) inclines people to seek only information that agrees with their established stance; good scientists strive to avoid that bad habit. [A theory](http://satblog.methaz.org/?p=302) is based on a hypothesis that not only plays out consistently in repeated experiments, but has an accurate predictive factor. A [robust](http://www.investopedia.com/terms/r/robust.asp) theory is one that has survived multiple efforts to alter or disprove it, accounts for all observed phenomena under a wide range of varying conditions, and remains the best explanation of the data. Bruce's observations were "Hulk isn't gentle" (description of previous activity) and "When Hulk appears, things and people WILL get smashed" (prediction). With a person, Hulk might not decide to smash at a given moment but could the next; people are vulnerable but not so fragile. But now Bruce has one example that absolutely _cannot_ fit that: the purple balloon, unpopped, disproves the theory of Hulk as an uncontrollable ragemonster. And when push comes to shove, Bruce's identity "I am a scientist practicing legitimate [scientific method](http://fog.ccsf.cc.ca.us/~mmalacho/ScientificMethod.html)" outweighs "Hulk isn't gentle."


	5. Cause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS shows Phil a security video of what probably upset Black Widow during the battle.

"Of course, Bruce," said Phil. He rubbed slow, soothing circles over Bruce's shoulder. Phil didn't want to push Bruce hard enough to _break_ him, or worse, provoke Hulk into thinking it was necessary to come out and protect Bruce from mean old Agent. "It's been a hard day. Take your mind off it."

"Sure, it's a good movie," Clint said. He curled up on the floor where he could reach Bruce, content to stay there instead of returning to his chair. Bruce handed down a spare pillow for Clint to sit on.

The Starkpad in Phil's hand vibrated in the distinctive _thrum-thrum-thrum_ that JARVIS used for silent communications. Phil checked the screen.

_I believe I have isolated the cause of Black Widow's distress from the footage of today's battle,_ JARVIS said in crisp text. _Do you wish to view it now?_ Below those lines, two buttons appeared: _(Yes) (No)_

Phil glanced at Natasha. The movie held her attention, a relaxing diversion after the earlier stress of combat and conversation. She was completely engrossed in Remy's explanation of how different flavors combined in magical ways. It seemed safe to watch what JARVIS had to show him without worrying about Natasha noticing. Besides, Phil might need the information sooner rather than later. He touched the _(Yes)_ button.

The video showed the party scene moments before the attack. The birthday girl sat at the head of the picnic table, a froth of scarlet curls barely contained in two pigtails. Her friends clustered around her in their party dresses like a flock of fairies.

The Doombot came out of nowhere, splintering the table. Screaming children scattered. The mother bashed the robot with a lawn chair. It staggered back from the children.

Black Widow arrived on the scene -- and froze, for a split second, staring not at the Doombot but at the birthday girl clutching an obviously broken arm. The robot moved toward them.

The assassin unfroze and threw two knives through its camera lenses. Blinded, the Doombot stumbled aimlessly and fell prey to a precise shot from Iron Man. It collapsed into the forgotten cake.

Black Widow surveyed the area to make sure the civilians had escaped. The park was a mess of fluttering paper and bobbing balloons, small unpredictable motions that would be difficult to filter out quickly. A fresh Doombot dropped toward her from above.

Hulk snatched Black Widow out of the way just in time. He smashed the robot high into a tree. Leaves and loose parts rained down.

Black Widow swept one last glance over the ruined picnic. Then she whipped around to see a cluster of Doombots. They had just pinned Captain America under a truck and were now closing in for a kill. She dashed toward them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS is using [Morse code](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morse_code) S (three dots) for Silent/Secret.
> 
> [Startle response](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Startle_response) concerns sudden motion or noise. PTSD [tends to heighten](http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=240&np=298&id=2138) that. Flapping or drifting objects can be difficult to distinguish as safe or unsafe, especially in a combat situations. This also happens with horses, who may be [trained to ignore fluttering things](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacking_out), but there's a limit. [The brain has filters](http://www.livescience.com/13690-brain-clutter-filtering-brain-cells-110413.html) to process and discard irrelevant input; too much can overwhelm the filters, creating a sense of confusion. It's a bit like [using chaff to confuse radar](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaff_\(countermeasure\)) with nonsense information.


	6. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil mulls over Natasha's reaction in the aftermath of the battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the end notes didn't fit, so I'm moving it here.
> 
> [Blame](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blame) causes problems whether directed at self or others. [Self-blame](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/512837) undermines the ability to assess yourself accurately. It is particularly common [after trauma](http://drkathleenyoung.wordpress.com/2010/01/25/shame-and-self-blame-after-trauma/). Some people consider self-blame a kind of internalized [emotional abuse](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/201304/self-blame-the-ultimate-emotional-abuse). There are ways to acknowledge and [overcome self-blame](http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip/selfblame.html). The [art of self-forgiveness](http://www.wildmind.org/blogs/on-practice/the-art-of-self-forgiveness) involves setting aside blame and examining things in a more compassionate perspective. There are tips on [how to forgive yourself](http://www.wikihow.com/Forgive-Yourself).

Phil sat back in his chair and willed his heart to stop hammering against his ribs. He knew how the fight ended. Natasha was upset but uninjured. Steve lay a few feet away on the couch, wounded but recovering at his usual speed. Phil had seen much worse. Even so, it was never _easy_ to watch a scene like that and grasp just how much damage it had done to the team.

Then the Starkpad went dark. _Do you concur? (Yes) (No)_ JARVIS asked. He knew them all well, by now, as well as an artificial intelligence could manage with pervasive awareness of their histories and their steadily improving present. Yet he still asked for confirmation, especially in emotional matters, because his own nature was so different from theirs. He never stopped studying them, never stopped learning, so that he could support them better in the future.

_(Yes)_ Phil replied. He marveled again at how accurate an observation JARVIS could make -- even down to intuiting when to speak aloud and when to send a discreet silent message through the nearest piece of hardware. _There are human butlers serving in manors who have less domestic finesse,_ Phil thought. It made him proud to count JARVIS among his friends.

On the couch, Steve reached for another pillow. He paused, groaning, and wrapped an arm around his healing ribs. The pillow lay just out of reach. Steve gathered himself to try again.

Without a word, Natasha got up and lifted the pillow onto the couch. She tried to tuck it into place for Steve, but didn't find quite the right spot. She had first aid training but no real knack for looking after people.

Steve just smiled and adjusted the pillow a bit. Then he lay back with a sigh. Natasha dipped her head in acknowledgement. Her slim hand ghosted along his shoulder before she returned to her former seat.

_Natasha must blame herself for Steve's injuries,_ Phil realized. Even in the dark room, he took care to keep his worry off his face, lest she misread it as pity. _A moment's hesitation out of identification with or concern for someone, and needing a little assistance from a teammate, is nothing to be ashamed of. God, Natasha, you're not a machine_.

She had tried to be, though -- tried to recapture the frigid indifference of her time before SHIELD in the belief that it made her a better fighter. It didn't. It undercut her teamwork in ways that Phil still hadn't managed to explain to her fully. A machine would have ignored the civilians in favor of destroying the enemy as efficiently as possible, nevermind the collateral damage. She had, after all, been trained to think of other people as targets or distractions, a habit of depersonalization that proved difficult to break.

_Well, this is going to take a while to patch up,_ Phil concluded.

The screen lit again, discreet white letters saying, _Phil, your chili is hot_.

Phil put down the Starkpad. He slipped into the kitchen and filled a tray with bowls and spoons and boxes of crackers. He latched the lid on the crockpot and carried everything into the common room, fragrant steam trailing along. The Avengers descended on the feast like a horde of locusts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Identification](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identification_\(psychology\)) with others involves assimilating common traits. [Sympathy and empathy](http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-sympathy-and-empathy.htm) are feelings related to the emotions or experiences of other people, providing a positive basis of interaction. Without these factors, people can be indifferent to the harm they do to others. These relate to emotional intelligence, [which impacts teamwork](http://www.ascilite.org.au/conferences/melbourne01/pdf/papers/lucaj.pdf) (or the lack thereof).
> 
> [Collateral damage](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collateral_damage) is harm done to other people or things besides the intended target. Some people feel that this concept makes it [easier for the military to escape public criticism](http://www.larawbar.net/36311.html) for carelessness. "There was collateral damage" sounds less ominous than "We hit the ammunition factory and also the hospital standing next to it."
> 
> [Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder](http://www.counsellingconnection.com/index.php/2009/10/29/stress-ptsd-and-pdsd/) is a variation of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, based not on a single major impact but on long-term exposure to harsh conditions. It's the [cumulative stress](http://ptsdtreatmenthelp.com/cumulative-stress-and-ptsd/) that does damage; like a turbo button, the body's fight-or-flight reflex is meant to be pushed once and released, not pushed and held down. This site about [PDSD/PTSD from bullying](http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm) has a brilliant contrast between mental illness and mental injury, and I'm delighted to see somebody other than me making that distinction. Contrast Natasha with the other Avengers and you can see how the methodical nature of her torment and the length of her captivity created a different pattern of reaction than what appears in the others. As some of you have pointed out, she reads more like a [prisoner of war](http://allpsych.com/journal/pow.html) than an [abuse survivor](http://www.celebrate-recovery.org/Groups/Abuse/CR%20Abuse%20Characteristics.pdf).
> 
> [Depersonalization](http://fmmh.ycdsb.ca/teachers/F00027452/F00027453/depersonalization.html) or [demonization](http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Demonization) is a process of self-delusion, making other people seem less than human. This is a typical [practice in war](http://abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=79071#.UXyzrrU3tad), to make soldiers more willing to kill without hesitation. It's a type of [othering](http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Other). A key drawback is that it also erodes the individual's sense of self, which is [also called depersonalization](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization). Often accompanying this is [derealization](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization), when the individual feels that the world is distant or dreamlike and nothing matters. This can lead to [depersonalization disorder](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder). In regard to the Red Room, this was a feature and not a bug -- torture aims at [breaking down the sense of self](http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/view/36638) so that the victim is more easily controlled. [Childhood trauma](http://psychiatryonline.org/data/Journals/AJP/3726/1027.pdf) can lead to depersonalization disorder. In particular, look at the scale there and see how the Avengers fall toward the top half for emotional abuse, with Natasha capping out at emotional torture for being forced to harm others. It is possible to [cultivate a strong sense of self](http://malavikasuresh.wordpress.com/2011/11/27/10-truths-of-having-a-strong-sense-of-self/) and to [learn sensitivity for other people's feelings](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Sensitive-to-Other-People's-Feelings).


	7. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil feeds the team. Then Phil and Natasha talk about mistakes, teamwork, and birthdays.

Comfort food would help soothe everyone. Phil had actually studied that, years ago. He knew the emotional effects of something familiar, something with pleasant associations. He knew the physical effects of warm rich food, the link between scent and memory, the subtle touch of fat and sugar and nutrients. Eating chili was almost a ritual unto itself: filling the bowl, feeling the dry crackers crumble under his fingertips, pushing them carefully under the surface with the back of the spoon. He savored the first bite, deep meaty flavor with bright spices and the white prickle of salt. Phil smiled and sat back to watch the movie.

To no one's surprise, Steve and Bruce fell asleep before the end. Phil quietly fetched some blankets and tucked them in. Neither of the men stirred under his gentle touch. Phil was taking the dishes to the sink when Natasha came up behind him.

"I think about it sometimes," she said as if continuing a conversation they'd been having aloud all along. "I want it sometimes. What they have. A life as nobody, instead of Black Widow. A chance to be happy."

Phil turned around. Natasha was clinging to the doorframe, her face pale and pinched. Her eyes glimmered in the dimmed light. "I can't give you that, though I would if I could, if it's what you truly wanted," Phil said. "I hope that I can give you a chance to be Black Widow _and_ be happy."

"Do you think it's terribly pathetic of me? I made mistakes today," said Natasha. A single tear spilled over to trickle down her cheek.

"Everyone makes mistakes, Natasha. You're not pathetic. You're human, and I _prefer_ you that way," Phil said.

"Remember what I told you about the difference between the good guys and the bad guys? They fight because they like it. We fight because we _care_ about people. Let's keep it that way."

"Yes, sir," she said softly.

"Besides, your cooperative skills have improved a great deal," Phil said. "Teamwork in general is better now. You're not working alone anymore. Yes, keeping track of other people will cost you a bit of reaction speed. It also means you can coordinate attacks for greater effect, and if something goes wrong, you have people to cover for you. That's what teammates are _for."_

Natasha nodded. "I was terrible at that when we first worked together," she said. "I had worked with a partner before, but it was always ... I had to _think_ about it all the time."

"Now it comes more naturally," Phil observed. "That can be disconcerting until you get used to it."

"I don't want just any old day," Natasha said in an abrupt switchback of topic. "If I'm going to claim a birthday, I want it to _mean_ something."

"Pick any meaningful day you want," Phil said. "The day you escaped from the Red Room? The anniversary of the Avengers forming?"

"How about the day I brought you in?" Clint said quietly, stepping into the kitchen with them. "That's coming up next week."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Comfort food](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comfort_food) comprises a broad range of things that people eat when they're feeling down. The physical and chemical qualities of the food [have a soothing effect](http://life.nationalpost.com/2011/07/19/food-that-soothes-how-comfort-food-cravings-work/). You can find [recipes for comfort food](http://homecooking.about.com/od/classicdishrecipes/a/comfortfoods.htm) online.
> 
> Natasha thinks of herself as abnormal and other people as normal.  She believes that normal people are basically innocent of the violence that dominates her life, and are therefore happier.  [Comparisons wreck self-esteem](http://happiness-beyond-belief.com/self-esteem/comparing/).  "[Other people are happier than me](http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/considering-the-four-happiness-myths.html)" is one of the major misconceptions of life.  There are [steps for cultivating happiness](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy). Even the idea of "[normal](http://people.howstuffworks.com/define-normal.htm)" is debatable, and it's culturally subjective.  It helps to [accept yourself](http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/therapists-spill-12-ways-to-accept-yourself/). 
> 
> [Making mistakes](http://www.lifebound.com/blog/parents/making-it-ok-to-make-mistakes/) is a natural part of life. Unfortunately, people often [blame themselves](http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/self-esteem/self-blame) for things that aren't their fault, or blame themselves out of proportion to the nature of the mistake. Survivors of abuse are especially prone to this because [abusers heap blame on their victims](http://www.mvwcs.com/mindabuser.html). Then the [self-blame causes further problems](http://ashanam.wordpress.com/2013/03/24/self-blame/). There are [steps to self-acceptance](http://pearlsa.com/blog/six-steps-acceptance/) and tips for [dealing with mistakes](http://www.jscournoyer.com/dealing-with-mistakes/).
> 
> Phil raises questions about why people [become heroes](http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_makes_a_hero/) or [become villains](http://www.sapiengames.com/2007/04/19/born-bad-why-people-do-bad-things/), and what influences them to [cross the line](http://dotsub.com/view/0e94c9d8-9d94-4685-9c97-36404210ada0/viewTranscript/eng).


	8. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Clint talk about plans to celebrate her birthday. Afterward, Phil beds down in the common room to stay with Steve and Bruce.

Natasha scrubbed a hand across her face in a futile effort to hide the tears. Then her fingers strayed to the faint scar just above her right wrist, where Hawkeye's arrow had pinned her arm to a wall to prevent Black Widow from killing him. It was fading, washed away by the steady tide of her enhanced body. But they all remembered what it meant.

_Sorry, sir, I know SHIELD ordered a kill. I made a different call_. Phil could still hear the determination in Hawkeye's tone. Sometimes being one of the good guys came down to knowing exactly when to disobey orders.

"I think -- I think I'd like that for my birthday. You gave me a whole new life that day," Natasha said to Clint.

"That was the idea," Clint said warmly, "just paying it forward." Phil never stopped feeling grateful that Clint had learned the lesson well enough to pass it along at need.

Natasha paused, straightening her back, though Phil had not noticed the subtle slump in it. Then she said, in the most fragile voice Phil had ever heard from her, "Will you come to my party, Clint?"

The gallant archer took her hand and bowed over it ever so slightly. "I would be honored," Clint said in a formal tone. His graceful response reminded Phil that Clint had always fancied himself after Robin Hood.

"I'll make the arrangements," Phil said. The date wasn't on a Saturday, but the Fantastic Four owed the Avengers another favor for the assist with Dr. Doom today.

"Thank you, Phil," said Clint. He ushered his sister to bed.

Phil tiptoed back into the common room. The viewscreen was dark. Shadows draped the walls except for the gleam of tiny base lights here and there along the edges of the floor. Phil could hear Steve's deep, even breathing on the couch. Steve healed fast, but sometimes it took a lot out of him.

Bruce was whimpering in his sleep, caught in a nightmare. Phil hurried to his side. He patted Bruce's hands, stroked his face, and ran a hand through the dark hair. The distressed noises faded away. Gradually the skin contact soothed Bruce back into a more restful state.

Phil breathed a sigh of relief. Not long after moving into the tower, Bruce had hulked out a few times due to nightmares or night terrors. _At least now I can settle him down so he can get some decent sleep,_ Phil thought. _Bruce needs all the rest he can get after a transformation_.

Then Phil spread some floor cushions between the couch and the loveseat, making a bed for himself so that he could stay close to the two men in case they needed him during the night. His Starkphone lit as he took it out of his pocket.

_Sleep if you're tired, Phil. I have the watch,_ JARVIS wrote.

Phil lay down and pulled a blanket over himself. He was a master spy. He could keep watch even in his sleep.

But it was so nice that he didn't _have to,_ that he had someone else to rely on to keep their location secure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disobeying orders is a challenging decision. People are advised to [disobey illegal and/or immoral orders](http://www.currentconcerns.ch/index.php?id=98). There is rarely much protection either way; damned if you do, damned if you don't, so you might as well make the decision that you can live with. In support of Hawkeye's decision, canon generally indicates that Black Widow was or appeared to be young when he was ordered to kill her, and definitely was a small child when kidnapped by the Red Room, such that advisories regarding [child soldiers](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_use_of_children) apply. Also worth considering are the [stages of moral development](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawrence_Kohlberg's_stages_of_moral_development); most people do what they are told, or what others are doing, but toward the top end is reliance on a personal, well-thought-out code of honor.
> 
> [Paying it forward](http://www.wisegeek.org/what-does-pay-it-forward-mean.htm) means doing something good for someone, because somebody else did you a favor earlier. This can apply to anything, but especially to cases where it's impossible to repay the good deed in kind to the same person. Look for [opportunities to pay it forward](http://www.wikihow.com/Pay-It-Forward).
> 
> [Nightmares](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nightmare) and [night terrors](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_terror) are two kinds of [sleep disturbances](http://www.sleepdisordersguide.com/sleep-disturbances.html). They often occur [due to stress](http://www.babycenter.com/0_nightmares-why-they-happen-and-what-to-do-about-them_67319.bc). If someone has a nightmare, [provide loving comfort](http://www.handsonscotland.co.uk/topics/sleep/nightmares.html). There is some debate over whether or not to [wake a person from a nightmare](http://www.bottomlinepublications.com/content/article/health-a-healing/should-you-interrupt-someones-nightmare). If it doesn't seem too bad (whimpering, twitching) then sometimes a gentle touch will dispel the dream without waking the sleeper. If it's really bad (screaming, thrashing) then it's probably wise to try waking them. Bruce in particular needs to avoid getting _too_ scared, or else Hulk has to come deal with it. Sleep disturbances are [common symptoms of PTSD](http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/agorphobic-dealing-with-ptsd-discussions/general-support/3619523-tips-on-dealing-with-nightmares-and-flashbacks). All the Avengers have nightmares; I think Bruce is the only one with night terrors too. There are [tips for dealing with nightmares](http://www.livingwell.org.au/managing-difficulties/dealing-with-nightmares/).
> 
> [Hypervigilance](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance) is a symptom of [PTSD](http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd) and other conditions.  All the Avengers, to varying degrees, find it difficult to relax and feel safe, due to their rough pasts and high-risk profession.  A sentient, friendly, and fiercely protective home security system helps tremendously; they are all sleeping better with JARVIS always on watch.


	9. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha's birthday party begins with making decorations.

As promised, Uncle Phil made arrangements for the birthday party. After securing Natka's permission, he issued the rest of the invitations himself so as to minimize stress all around. He notified SHIELD to contact the Fantastic Four in case of incident, and not to interrupt the Avengers during the relevant date, on pain of death by a thousand paperwork cuts. JARVIS turned the whole of cyberspace upside-down without finding a match for the cake, and finally resorted to calling caterers in Moscow until he found someone willing to share the recipe in exchange for a contract to cater a Stark Industries event.

Uncle Phil put careful thought into planning the party and its activities. He wanted to create a blend of traditional and contemporary, things that Natka might have encountered in an ordinary Russian childhood and things particular to New York now. He also hoped to balance the inherent whimsy of a birthday party with Natka's personal sense of reserve. _With a little luck, she'll play along if we don't push too far,_ Phil thought.

They wore party clothes instead of pajamas this time. This meant that Steve was in a button-down shirt and neatly pressed trousers, an example that Phil followed himself. Tony and Bruce wore jeans and t-shirts with cartoons, Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles respectively. Clint insisted on short pants and suspenders for reasons that he refused to disclose. Betty requested a party dress that, to Phil, looked like a fluffy pink cake topper. Natka, as the birthday girl, chose a nice white blouse and trim navy-blue trousers ... over the most ridiculously impractical pair of floppy powder-blue glitter-gel sandals that Phil had ever seen.

 _She could never run in those,_ Phil mused, watching Natka kick her heels lazily against the couch. The shoes flapped loosely with every swing of her feet. He had never known her to wear something she couldn't run in if she had to, even in a secure location. Then the realization hit him, squeezing his heart like a velvet fist. _Oh. She's wearing them to remind herself that she feels safe -- that she_ doesn't have to _run here_. For that alone, he could count the party a success.

Phil included his "little ones" in the decorating process. First they made a _Happy Birthday_ banner. They cut balloon shapes from colorful paper and gave each a ribbon tail. Next Tony ran off giant letters on a portable printer. Natka and Clint cut out the letters.

Steve and Betty did most of the coloring -- she was quite good at staying inside the lines, even if she had little skill at drawing freehand. Bruce pasted one letter on each shape. Then they strung all the letters together with more ribbon.

Finally Steve, as the tallest, went to hang the banner on the wall. "Use the masking tape from the craft supplies; that won't damage the paint," JARVIS prompted. Steve was still trying to learn appropriate uses for the nearly infinite array of supplies in the tower. He was used to making do with much less, and sometimes the results were not optimal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is [Tony's t-shirt](http://www.80stees.com/products/Little-Friends-Soundwave-Transformers-T-shirt.asp).
> 
> This is [Bruce's t-shirt](http://www.80stees.com/products/Charcoal-Group-Teenage-Mutant-Ninja-Turtles-T-shirt.asp).
> 
> [Betty's dress](http://www.littlemissprincess.com/clothing/Dresses/flower-girl-dresses/Pink-Pageant-Party-Girls-Dress-450.jpg) looks something like this.  
> EDIT: ReticentGrace found similar dresses for women, [one asymmetrical](http://www.milanoo.com/Classic-Cotton-Short-Sleeves-Ruffle-Lolita-Dress-p13689.html) and [one even](http://www.milanoo.com/Cross-Strap-Bow-Cotton-Sweet-Lolita-Dress-p24956.ht%0Aml). I think Betty would go for [this pink and white one](http://www.milanoo.com/Sweet-Pink-Sleeveless-Bow-Cotton-Lolita-Dress-p156986.html). She likes things that are a little frilly but not completely over the top.
> 
> Here are [Natka's sandals](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=78919181).
> 
> [Clothes can express feelings](http://www.annfenton.com/2012/07/16/how-to-express-your-personality-through-your-clothes/). Here are some tips on [showing emotion through clothes](http://www.wikihow.com/Express-Emotion-Through-Clothes).
> 
> Read the instructions for [making birthday banners](http://www.katydidandkid.com/2009/03/kitchen-table-crafts-birthday-banner.html).


	10. Hats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "little ones" make party hats and play with balloons.

They made party hats. The hats were Clint's idea, because he insisted that it wasn't a proper birthday party without silly hats. The crafting was Phil's idea, another way to keep everyone involved in the fun. Clint quickly made himself a Robin Hood hat, complete with jaunty feather. Tony went with a classic cone in gold foil, and Steve followed suit with silver. Bruce copied their design in plain brown. Tony took one look at that and made another, larger cone in green so that Bruce wound up looking like he had a pair of lopsided horns. Betty assembled a fanciful headband of tissue flowers.

Natka created an impressive replica of the Great Imperial Crown from cardboard, tissue, a costume jewel, a string of pearly beads, colored glue, and an entire tube of glitter.

"Phil, get that away from her and pop it into a drying oven for me before the wet glue winds up in everyone's hair," JARVIS said. Phil, remembering how Clint wound up wearing the glitter from the Easter eggs, hastened to obey.

Fortunately the ovens in the kitchen had that function, and it only took a few minutes for the glue to dry under the stream of hot air. Natka sulked the entire time, insisting that she could have kept the hat on her head without touching it while it dried. But she perked up again as soon as Phil brought out the finished product and crowned her.

"We could use a craft dryer in here. Some things shouldn't go in a food oven," Tony said, looking around the common room. "JARVIS, make a note."

"Noted, Tony," said JARVIS.

Clint also made a hat for Phil with a pair of white rabbit ears. "Because you hear _everything,_ and it's impossible to sneak up on you," Clint explained when Phil cocked an eyebrow at him. Phil nodded in agreement and put on his party hat.

There were balloons, of course -- not just because those were a staple of birthday parties, but because Tony inevitably had access to his own supply of helium (along with several other lab supplies that Phil vetoed, such as the liquid nitrogen) and because Bruce-and-Hulk loved balloons. Phil was in favor of anything that could cheer up the more downcast members of the team.

Red and purple balloons predominated, along with a scattering of all the other colors including black. By the time Tony and Bruce finished filling them, it looked as if they'd emptied a jar of jellybeans onto the ceiling. Natka batted playfully at the curled ribbons trailing from the balloons. Phil smiled.

"Hey, watch this!" Tony said. He put one of the balloons to his mouth, inhaled a lungful of helium, and sang in a shrill voice:

_Ain't no party like a chipmunk party  
'Cause the chipmunk party don't stop_

This inspired Bruce to do likewise, finishing the verse:

_It's just me and my boys, sure to bring the noise  
You know that we make it hot_

Steve stared at them as Clint and Betty grabbed more balloons to join the fun. "Uncle Phil, what are they _doing?"_ Steve asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read about [party hat crafts](http://www.dltk-kids.com/type/party_hats.htm) and learn to make a [Robin Hood hat](http://www.ehow.com/how_7744806_build-paper-robin-hood-hat.html).
> 
> See the [Russian Crown Jewels](http://famousdiamonds.tripod.com/russiancrownjewels.html).
> 
> The [helium voice trick](http://www.wikihow.com/Suck-in-a-Helium-Balloon) is real, and safe as long as you use common sense.
> 
> "[Ain't No Party](http://www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_68136/the-chipmunks/tpx_4940649)" is a song by Alvin & the Chipmunks.


	11. Helium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Natka play with helium. Tony prints out some targets for a game.

"It's a trick with helium. The different density of the gas makes voices sound funny; it doesn't do anything harmful," Phil explained. "Would you like to try it yourself?"

Steve hesitated. Phil could _see_ the shadow of Steve's past in the sudden hitch of movement, years of ingrained habit protecting his fragile lungs, that hadn't quite worn off in the much shorter subjective time that he'd had his new improved body. "I guess I can now," Steve said softly.

Phil had never imagined Captain America singing chipmunk songs in a helium-induced squeal. It was one of the most ludicrous and uplifting things he'd ever heard.

Natka sidled over with a large licorice-black balloon in her hands. "It really doesn't do anything else? You _promise?"_ Natka said. She was meticulously careful about what she did with her body -- had to be, given some of the quirks from its modification; _chose_ to be, after how much had been done to her without her consent. That often complicated aftercare in the wake of battles, along with more ordinary matters, sometimes making Phil frantic. For her to venture this far for the sake of recreation was a momentous step.

Phil took the balloon from Natka and inhaled half the contents. "It just makes you squeak," he assured her in a chirping tone.

Natka drew herself up, inhaled the rest of the balloon, and squealed:

 _Кукушка кукушонку купила капюшон._  
Надел кукушонок капюшон.  
Как в капюшоне он смешон.

Steve and Tony cracked up laughing, recognizing the Russian tongue-twister. They both tried to top Natka with different ones, but neither came close to her speed.

The party games were a hit. Some of them needed a little adjusting, though, to compensate for the people involved. The "kids" blurred their ages a bit but nobody minded.

First came Pin the Blame on the Bad Guy. Tony and Steve set up the targets while Phil went into the kitchen for drinks because everyone was getting thirsty. When Phil came back, he found a row of faces with crosshairs, including AIM and HYDRA agents, a Chitauri dragonship, Victor von Doom, and...

Phil sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Tony ... would you care to explain why one of the targets has Director Fury's face on it?" he asked.

"No, Uncle Phil, I thought that would be obvious," Tony said, eyes wide and innocent.

Natka's tinkling laugh was infectious.

Clint won the first three rounds, no matter how carefully they blindfolded him and spun him around. He was just that good.

Then Steve gave him a thoughtful look and said, "Hey, Clint -- wanna play airplane?"

"Are you _serious?"_ Clint said. "I haven't done that since I was, I dunno, four or five."

"I've swung bigger guys than you," Steve said.

Clint gave him a measuring look, then said, "All right. Let's do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Trust is a complex factor](http://mrob.com/pub/std/gaining-trust.html) in human relationships. [Trust issues](http://www.way2hope.org/marriage-parenting/trust-issues-relationships.htm) can impair a relationship. There are [many reasons](http://www.kristen-mcclure-therapist.com/trustissuesinrelationships.html) why such difficulties may develop. [Early trauma](http://www.healingresources.info/trauma_attachment_stress_disorders.htm) can make it difficult for people to trust; this is one of the more common [signs of abuse](http://www.sandf.org/resources/symptoms_of_sexual_abuse.php).
> 
> More obscure than sexual or emotional abuse is [medical abuse](http://pediatrics.uchicago.edu/chiefs/CPS/documents/AAPMunchausen.pdf), of which there are several varieties, none of them discussed very often.  Somewhat related are [medical torture](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_torture) and [Nazi experimentation](http://www.historiography-project.com/clippings/1946/01/nazi-torture-and-medical-exper.html).  These approximate the kind of bizarre human experimentation that Natasha survived. That has an impact on how she feels about her own body and about other people.
> 
> The process of earning someone's trust [depends on their personality type](http://www.kansas.com/2012/12/05/2592773/earning-trust-from-different-personality.html); Natasha seems to blend aspects of Thinker and Promoter. Phil is actually fluent across multiple types of trustworthiness.
> 
> Natasha's verse came from a page of [Russian tongue-twisters](http://www.russian-moscow.com/russian-tongue-twisters/).
> 
>  _Кукушка кукушонку купила капюшон._  
>  Надел кукушонок капюшон.  
> Как в капюшоне он смешон.
> 
> Cuckoo bought a hood for his young one.  
> The little cuckoo wore the hood.  
> How funny is the little cuckoo in the hood.
> 
> [Birthday games](http://www.dltk-kids.com/crafts/birthday/games.htm) include "[Pin the (blank) on the (blank)](http://www.dltk-kids.com/type/pin_the_games.htm)" and [many more](http://www.birthdaypartyideas.com/html/games.html). Helgatwb has made fanart of the [target pages](https://helgatwb.dreamwidth.org/8080.html).
> 
> Steve is offering what he remembers as a fun childhood activity, which has a practical application here. What Clint is thinking, from his circus background, is [trapeze artist trust](http://www.npr.org/2011/01/05/132678699/training-and-trust-partners-on-the-flying-trapeze) \-- what is to be considered before placing himself in the hands of someone who could drop him.


	12. Limbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "little ones" play limbo, Who Am I? and The Cat and the Mice.

So they cleared the furniture out of the way. Steve picked up Clint by wrist and ankle, swooping him carefully in loops. When Steve finally set him down again, Clint staggered in circles, unable to walk straight.

Snickering, Natka blindfolded Clint and gave her brother a heartless shove in the general direction of the wall. He didn't even manage to hit any of the targets. The red "BLAME" sticker wound up on the smooth cream paint of the wall itself.  
Steve won the next round, though Tony came close.

They played limbo, not with anything so crude as a ruler balanced across two chairs, but with JARVIS displaying an intricate wire-maze of colored beams. Betty and Steve were hopeless. Tony and Clint gave each other a run for their money. Natka won, to no one's surprise, but Bruce _almost_ managed to beat her.

Phil wondered how Bruce could be so clumsy and ill-at-ease with his own body in some ways, yet so deft in others. _Perhaps he does yoga and such to make himself feel more at home in his skin, and that creates the grace where only awkwardness was before,_ Phil thought.

"Can I have some fruits from the kitchen?" Bruce asked. "And a plate?"

"All right," Phil said, baffled by the request but willing to grant any remotely reasonable request from Bruce, who almost never asked for anything. Phil went into the kitchen and brought back the fruit bowl.

Bruce stacked assorted fruits on the plate. "JARVIS, steelpan?" Bruce asked. The air shimmered with the sound of steel drums and tropical music. Bruce set the plate on his head. Then he folded himself in half backwards and danced under the low beam of light. Not an apple wobbled in its place.

Natka lost that round by three whole inches.

"So _that's_ where you went the time we lost you out of São Luis -- to Trinidad and Tobago," Clint said. "You are one _slippery_ guy, Bruce."

Bruce just smirked at him.

They played "Who Am I?" with cards carefully formulated by Phil and JARVIS. Everyone had three or more names taped to their back, obscure but public figures from some area of their own expertise. The more intellectual team members had longer lists. Betty won anyway, making it to the bottom of her list in impressively short order. Steve came in less than a minute behind her.

 _He's learning fast,_ Phil thought, watching as Steve peeled the card off his shirt to check his answers. A _ll that search-engine assistance from JARVIS is teaching him how to figure out answers_. Steve grinned at Phil and gave the card a triumphant flourish. Phil jotted down the time score under the names.

For Natka's amusement, they played The Cat and the Mice, a traditional game from Russia. As the birthday girl, Natka started out as the cat while the other "kids" played the mice. She offered to translate the silly little chant that went with the game, but everyone declined, preferring to play in the original language. So she taught the mice their lines in Russian.

Together they went through the call-and-response. Then the mice clapped their hands and scattered. The cat slunk through the room, silent as fog even in her ridiculous glitter sandals. She tracked them by sound, muffled giggles and scuff of feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Limbo](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbo_\(dance\)) is a traditional Caribbean game often done to [steelpan](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steelpan) music.
> 
> [São Luis](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S%C3%A3o_Lu%C3%ADs,_Maranh%C3%A3o) is a city in [South America](http://www.ezilon.com/maps/images/SouthAmerica_phy1.gif).
> 
> [Trinidad and Tobago](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trinidad_and_Tobago) is considered the birthplace of limbo.
> 
> [The Cat and the Mice](http://www.estcomp.ro/~cfg/russia4.html) is a Russian children's game. Dreamwidth user Thnidu has provided a Russian version of the words:
> 
> [I found a set.](http://www.maaam.ru/detskijsad/podvizhnaja-igra-kot-i-myshi.html) Between Google Translate and my high school Russian, I think I've made it useable. In the last part of the instructions, I've added "eyes shut" from the version you linked to, and "home free" because it makes sense that way.
> 
> ––––––––  
>  __  
> [The cat has a house (chair), and the mice have houses (stools) 15 - 20 feet away. Cat reads a poem, acting out the text.]  
>   
>  Я — красивый рыжий кот  
> У меня — пушистый хвост  
> Мышек очень я люблю,  
> Их ловлю, ловлю, ловлю.
> 
> Ya kraseevee rizhee kot  
> U meenya pusheestee khvost  
> Mishek ochin ya lyoobloo  
> Eekh loblyoo, loblyoo, loblyoo.  
>  __  
> I am a beautiful cat  
>  I have a bushy tail  
> I dearly love mice,  
> I catch them, catch them, catch them.
> 
>  
> 
> _[The cat sits on the chair (falls asleep in the house).]_
> 
>  
> 
> _––––––––_
> 
>  
> 
> _[The mice, sitting in their houses, sing a lullaby to the cat:]_
> 
>  
> 
> Спи, усни, спи, усни.  
> Кот пушистый, спи — усни.
> 
> Spee, oosnee, spee, oosnee.  
> Kot poosheestee, spee, oosnee.  
>  __  
> Sleep, go to sleep, sleep, go to sleep.  
>  Fluffy cat, sleep - go to sleep.
> 
> ––––––––
> 
> [Then the mice stand up, saying "Be quiet, mice, the cat will hear you", and move toward the cat to the rhythm of the music. Suddenly, a loud chord sounds (or hit the tambourine). The cat wakes up and starts to chase the mice with eyes shut. Mice try to get away to their houses; once they sit down they're "home free". The child who is caught becomes the next cat.]


	13. Tickling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tickles Natasha. She is utterly bewildered.

Phil silently noticed that, although she passed close to them, Natka never pounced at Tony or Bruce. She only grabbed for Steve, Clint, and Betty who had no negative associations with her approaching them.

In the end, Natka caught Betty. The game then reset with Betty as the cat. They played until everyone had a chance to be the cat, although it took even Steve quite a long time to catch Natka and conclude the last round.

Far more startling was that, when Steve did catch her, he flickered his fingers over her ribs -- and she _laughed_.

"What did you _do_ to me?" Natka demanded as she sprang away, almost tripping over her floppy shoes.

"I just tickled you," Steve said, his eyes wide. "Should I not? Some people used to tickle me until I couldn't breathe. So I won't do it if you don't like it. That would be mean. But Bucky was always gentle with me and then it was fun. Does it bother you?"

"Does it bother -- you _can't_ tickle me because _I am not ticklish!"_ Natka said. "That was trained out of me years ago."

Phil knew that was true. Spies learned to master their bodies, even down to things that were typically reflexive, such as blushes and tickles. _What is going on here?_ Phil wondered.

"Well ... I _thought_ I tickled you," Steve said dubiously. "At least, you laughed when I tried. Did you do that just to humor me?"

She shook her head, red curls flying. "No, it felt, I don't know how it felt. I just had to laugh."

"That's tickling," Steve said.

"But _how?"_ Natka asked. She sounded completely lost.

Steve reached out, slowly so she could move away if she chose. She did not move. Natka let him trail a fingertip down the underside of her arm. She giggled. "Like that," Steve said.

The tension had gone out of her slender body. _I wonder ..._ Phil mused as he watched Natka and Steve together. _If she feels altogether safe, if she trusts him with her entire body, that might just make it possible for him to slip past the conditioning_. That had all kinds of potential, because there were layers of it that nobody had managed to break before; not controls, but things that she was simply unable to allow herself or anyone else to do.

"Natka," Phil said gently, "do you trust Steve?"

"Of course," she said. Without hesitation. Without thought.

"There you have it," Phil said. "I think that Steve touches something in you that no one else has yet. You let your guard down enough that he can tickle you."

_"Oh,"_ Natka said in a wondering tone. "Oh, he broke through ..." She turned to Steve. "Try again? Somewhere new?"

"Sure," Steve said. He curled a finger under the soft hollow of her jaw, moved just so, and --

\-- laughter, high and carefree as a child.

It was an unexpected discovery, all the more precious for its novelty. Phil watched them play until Natka collapsed, breathless, onto the carpet. Steve stretched out beside her, his breathing slow and even, her hand falling into his grasp. The other "little ones" gathered around, poking and teasing at each other. They told stories about tickling people or being tickled. Gradually they all calmed down again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Trust issues](http://voices.yahoo.com/how-solve-trust-issues-relationship-6737034.html?cat=41) can complicate any relationship, not just romantic ones. In this case, Natka has difficulty with body-trust because of her history with the Red Room. Steve does exactly the right thing by [talking through what just happened](http://www.relationshiponrocks.com/172/dealing-with-trust-issues-for-a-healthier-relationship-video/) and gently coaxing her to try something new. There are [tips for building trust in general](http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/10_Tips_for_Building_Trust.html).
> 
> [Tickling](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tickling) is a peculiar social and physiological reaction that is not fully understood. It figures into [interactions among all the great apes](http://shimmanen.wordpress.com/2012/10/10/tickle-me-bonobo/). Meditation and other techniques are sometimes used to [stop being ticklish](http://www.ask.com/question/stop-being-ticklish), which some people can achieve and others can't. In order to be tickled, the brain must be able to [distinguish between playfulness and a real attack](http://askthepsych.com/atp/2007/09/18/ticklishness/). Therefore, being ticklish at a certain person's hands [can be a sign of body-trust](http://www.funqa.com/psychology/1348-2-Psychology-4.html).  Some people [enjoy it](http://www.angelfire.com/zine/tormentprose/); some [hate it](http://www.metafilter.com/134048/Titillatio); and some [are ambivalent](http://www.fbhinternational.com/can-i-make-myself-laugh), alternating based on context.  Done wrong, [tickling can be abusive](http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2010/04/30/tickle-me-not/).  There are [instructions to explore tickling](http://www.ticklingtips.com/Home3.php) as a positive interaction. Tickling is a good way to [practice trust and boundaries](http://www.thenaturalparent.co.nz/blog/?p=973). There are [tickle games](http://simplekids.net/8-simple-tickle-games/) that many people enjoy playing.


	14. Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natka enjoys her birthday cake.

Phil brought out the cake, then, a sculpted mound of white on a wide crystal platter. The top held Natka's name piped with pearly gold icing in Tony's elegant Cyrillic handwriting. The facets of the glass underneath caught the glow of the candles as JARVIS dimmed the lights overhead. If the candlelight also reflected along tear tracks down Natka's cheeks, nobody said a word.

The Avengers sang "Happy Birthday" as Phil set the cake on the coffee table in front of Natka. Some of them were wildly off key. It didn't detract from the moment in the slightest.

The birthday cake held seven candles, representing Natka's preferred age for game night. The cake itself was the Russian black walnut confection per her request, but the candles were tacky replicas of the Statue of Liberty modeled in verdigris wax. Phil didn't care about the fashion-disaster aspect. He only cared about the symbol of home and freedom.

"Make a wish," Phil prompted, "then blow out the candles."

Natka's gaze flickered around the circle of faces. Phil had no difficulty intuiting some version of _Keep my family safe_. Then Natka closed her eyes, leaned over the cake, and blew out all seven candles in one breath.

Everyone cheered.

"Start cutting the cake," Phil said. "I'll get some plates and silverware." He went back to the kitchen for those necessities. When he returned, Natka carefully transferred small slices of cake onto the waiting plates.

"It's very rich," she said to Steve as she handed him a double-wide slice. "Eat as much as you want, but it might not be as much as usual." Steve sampled the cake, rolled his eyes in bliss, and made brisk headway through the remainder of his serving.

Bruce took one bite and spit it out. "Tathe like thoap," he said, making faces as he tried to scrape the offending flavor off his tongue. "Here, you have mine." Bruce shoved his plate at Tony, who evidently loved it.

Phil exerted considerable willpower not laughing. Both kinds of walnut, black and English, ranked among the foods that indeed tasted like soap to some people -- in particular, it was common to like one and hate the other.

"Try this, it should kill the taste," Tony said as he handed Bruce a bottle of fancy French lemonade.

Bruce sucked down half the bottle before surfacing. "Bleah," he said. "That stuff is _nasty_. Do we have any other cake?"

"I'm afraid not," Phil said.

"Yes, we do. I'm sorry if you missed that notice amidst the party preparations, Phil," said JARVIS. "I ordered plain chocolate as a backup in case anyone didn't care for the black walnut cake. It's in the pantry."

_Thank goodness for the experienced butler!_ Phil thought. He had indeed missed that in the flurry of planning. In his experience competent backup was a thing to be prized at the same level as extra ammunition and budget expansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's one example of a [Statue of Liberty candle](http://www.hiwtc.com/products/statue-of-liberty-1810-13420.htm).
> 
> [Walnuts](http://www.stlmag.com/Blogs/Relish/October-2011/Black-Gold-and-Gifted-Squirrels-Discovering-Black-Walnuts-in-Southeast-Missouri/) do taste like soap to some people. Personally I love black walnuts and can't stand the English kind.


	15. Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil brings out the chocolate cake. Natasha opens her birthday presents.

So Phil went to raid the pantry for what turned out to be an entire sheet cake. Steve gave a speculative hum when he saw it, and held out his plate for a slice alongside a second piece of the black walnut. Betty likewise sampled the new offering.

Natka made her leisurely way through the repurposed wedding cake and ignored the chocolate. She wound up with a dab of whipped cream icing on her nose. It was unbearably adorable, especially when she crossed her eyes trying to see where the smudge was.

"Hold still," Phil said. He wet a napkin in a glass of water, caught her chin in his hand, and fastidiously washed all the icing off her nose. There was some on her cheek; he got that too. "There, all clean." Phil let her go.

Natka leaned over, wrapped her arms around his neck, and gave him a gossamer hug all the more precious for its rarity. She was not a demonstrative person. For her, this was effusive.

Phil had waived the rule about "Children don't buy things; adults buy things" for the sake of the party. So Natka had a small pile of birthday presents to open. She unwrapped the paper with meticulous precision, folded it, and set it aside. Steve picked up every piece and held them in his lap with a care that suggested he fully intended on reusing them himself if she didn't want them.

Phil's gift was a traditional wooden toy from Russia. A flat paddle held five brightly painted chickens. Under the paddle hung a ball, which when swung caused the chickens to peck up and down. It was the kind of thing that most Russian children had, often made by a relative. Natka smiled when she saw it. The wooden birds made a crisp _tik-tik-tik-tik-tik_ sound as they moved in sequence.

Bruce gave Natka a tea tin, its creamy background decorated with leaves and butterflies. It was filled with her favorite Russian Royal Tea. Tony's gift -- tickets to a series of classical music concerts -- came folded into a surprisingly bohemian birthday card, handmade by some local artist whose name Phil did not recognize. Clint had procured a selection of candy from a dozen different countries inside a clear glass globe pressed with the continents of the world.

Betty handed Natka the last gift, wrapped not in paper but a box of American beech, the fine-grained golden wood gleaming in the light. "This is from me and Steve," said Betty. "I know you're not much for dolls but ... we love _all of you."_ Betty lifted the lid off the box.

Inside, nestled in a bed of crimson velvet, lay a Russian матрёшка. The outermost shell glistened with gold leaf, across which the vivid sable and scarlet figure of Black Widow splayed in a deadly dance, the other Avengers tiny in the background. Phil recognized Steve's hand in the exquisite custom artwork; there would not have been time to commission something from anyone else. Natka twisted apart the two halves with trembling fingers. The next doll showed Natasha dressed for casual elegance against the cool modern background of the tower's interior. She traced a fingertip over the lines of her self, her home. Shells within shells, there were, each revealing a different persona. Clint gave a little gasp at the image of a painfully fierce Black Widow from her rogue days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are many ways to [reuse wrapping paper](http://www.curbly.com/users/chrisjob/posts/5861-at-least-30-more-ways-to-reuse-gift-wrapping-paper).
> 
> Here's an example of the [pecking chickens](http://www.tradestonegallery.com/index.php?content=itemview&sku=0000100487).
> 
> See the [butterfly tea tin](http://www.amazon.com/Art-de-la-Cuisine-TS7236/dp/B00BFWZ3X6) and the [Russian tea](http://www.russianteacompany.com/products.php?start=40&cat=9).
> 
> This is the [globe candy jar](http://www.wellpromo.com/upload/upimg76/Large-Glass-Globe-Jar-W--Choco-60076.jpg).
> 
> [American beech](http://tinytimbers.com/specie_beech.htm) is popular for woodcarving.
> 
> The [матрёшка dolls](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matryoshka_doll) are also known as Russian nesting dolls. Each one splits into a top half and a bottom half to reveal the next smaller doll within. Sometimes they are all painted identically, other times they vary. In this case, the layers become a concrete metaphor for the recipient's complex identity.


	16. Matryoshka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha looks at the matryoshka dolls. Bruce broaches the topic of pictures with Phil.

Natka was weeping again, in perfect silence, by the time she reached the image of her child-self in dancing bear pajamas and, within, the solid baby-doll wearing nothing but a lavender diaper and a cap of ginger curls.

"Thank you," she said hoarsely.

Phil passed her his handkerchief. Natka hid her face in the pure white cloth. Phil wrapped an arm around her and gently coaxed her onto his shoulder. Natka clung to him in a rare moment. "We love all of you," Phil echoed.

A whisper of sound flittered through the air as JARVIS turned on party music, something light and sweet and cheerful, played very low but gradually gaining volume. Natka excused herself to the bathroom. The team leaned over the row of матрёшка dolls, now standing in a neat line on the coffee table, praising Steve's artwork and what turned out to be Betty's thoughtful compilation of made-in-America materials.

Eventually Natka came back, her composure restored. Tony challenged her to a game of Russian scrabble. Steve and Betty joined in at once. Soon the four of them crouched, laughing, over the wooden board laid out on the floor.

Phil settled onto the couch to watch over them as they played. Bruce came over and sat down next to him, snuggling against his side. Clint took the far side so that he and Phil pressed Bruce between them. It was cozy and sweet.

"She looks happy," Bruce said, watching Natka with the others.

"Yes, I believe she is happy," Phil said. Natka deserved some happiness, after her rough upbringing and all her hard work keeping the world a halfway-decent place to live.

"I've been thinking," Bruce said slowly, "about the Big Kid." His hands moved, one over the other, a self-soothing gesture that he did without thought.

"What about him?" Phil asked. He hoped that Bruce-and-Hulk might come to an accord. Bruce had remained quiet after viewing the balloon catch, leaving Phil largely in the dark about his thought processes. _It's been so hard on Bruce, learning that Hulk isn't quite what he thought. Hulk is just trying to help, but the more of that Bruce sees, the more it shakes his whole worldview,_ Phil realized.

"Could you ... maybe ... take some pictures? For him?" Bruce said, his voice muffled as he hid his face against Phil's chest. Phil cupped a hand over the back of his head. Bruce trembled faintly in Phil's gentle grasp. "He keeps asking you to show me stuff, when he's out. So I thought ... we could show him the party? And then he'll know Natka's happy? With, with me there?"

"Of course, Bruce; we can take stills from the video footage," said Phil. "That's very kind of you. I'm sure he'll enjoy that." Creating a two-way exchange of visual information between Bruce-and-Hulk should aid their communication. It was a tremendous concession from someone whose greatest fears included being _seen_. Bruce's previous experiences under observation had been horrific; it left him camera-shy. For Bruce to reach out at all in this direction showed a definite improvement.

"Uh huh," Bruce said. He seemed terrified and determined in equal proportions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The game of [Scrabble](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrabble) does indeed come in [Russian](http://www.gtoal.com/wordgames/details/russian/).
> 
> [Self-soothing](http://www.psyke.org/coping/self_soothing/) comprises a set of coping skills to help relax yourself when you feel stressed. However, frequent use of self-soothing can indicate [anxiety](http://www.helpguide.org/mental/generalized_anxiety_disorder.htm). This is particularly true for people who grew up in a [deprived environment](http://www.psychotherapist.org/AffectRegulationTreatment.html). [Hand-wringing](http://www.ohiotesolmoodle.org/2010/handouts/f/f60_What%20every%20Body%20is%20saying.pdf) is a sign of stress.
> 
> [Fear of being seen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scopophobia) is called scopophobia, and [camera shyness](http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-camera-shyness.htm) can be a related condition. Some people just don't like to be noticed. This may have no clear cause, but more often stems from negative experiences. Bruce has plenty of past justification for his wariness -- but in his current, safer situation it is making interactions difficult both with the team and with Hulk. So he's trying to work through that.


	17. Camera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil coaxes Bruce into trying a few new things with a camera. Clint is appreciative of Bruce doing something nice for Hulk.

_I wonder if putting Bruce_ behind _a camera could do some good,_ Phil mused. _Giving Bruce control over the process, instead of leaving him subject to someone else's whims, might help him gain confidence. Plus he's a scientist, so the concept of observing people should be familiar from that perspective, even though he leans more toward physical sciences than social ones_.

"Here, let's try something new," Phil said, pulling his Starkphone from his pocket. "I'll take a picture of everyone together to show Hulk. You can sit beside Natka." _Come on, take the bait_ ...

"But then _you_ won't be in the picture. That's not everyone," Bruce protested.

Phil smiled. "Then you can take a picture of me sitting with Natka, and we'll be even," he said.

"I don't know how," Bruce whispered. "I never ... had a camera or ... went to things where people took pictures, much."

"That's all right," Phil said. He flicked through the menus on his phone, selecting _Camera_ and _Tutorial,_ then showed Bruce the display. "See? JARVIS will walk you right through it."

"Okay," Bruce whispered.

Phil coaxed him over to the cluster of "kids" on the floor, Clint tagging along behind. Tony grinned and waved at the camera and draped himself all over Bruce. Clint gave Natka bunny ears, and then had to explain the custom. Phil snapped a few pictures. Then he reset the Starkphone to teaching mode and handed it to Bruce. "Your turn," Phil said.

Bruce stared at the screen for a long minute. Natka gave him an encouraging smile, warm and sweet and nothing like her professional one. Bruce focused on her as the centerpoint, took one picture, and shoved the phone back into Phil's hand. Then he scrambled back toward the couch -- or no, the coffee table.

Clint intercepted Bruce before he could disappear under the furniture, and pulled him onto the couch. Phil hurried to join them. He gave Bruce's shoulder a squeeze and said, "Well done. That was very brave. I'm so proud of you, Bruce."

Clint wrapped his arms around Bruce and hugged him thoroughly. "Thanks," Clint said. "I owe you one."

"Friends don't keep score," Uncle Phil reminded Clint gently. Phil was still trying to wean his ex-mercenaries off their habit of treating every relationship as a negotiation.

"Yeah, okay," Clint said, then turned back to Bruce. "It's just ... this means a lot to me."

"For what?" Bruce asked, wriggling.

"You're doing something nice for my other buddy," Clint said. He soothed Bruce with his hands until Bruce settled. "That makes this a real happy birthday."

"I win!" Natka crowed over the Scrabble board. Tony and Betty groaned.

On the floor, Steve scampered his fingers down Natka's ribs. She fell over in peals of laughter but did not pull away. One ludicrous glitter-gel sandal came loose in the tussle. Natka's bare foot waved above Steve's broad shoulder as he leaned down to tickle her again.

"Yes," Phil said, cuddling Clint and Bruce together, "it's a very happy birthday today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Camera shyness can [manifest in different ways](http://pixelphotobooth.com/4-ways-to-stop-being-camera-shy/) and [affects video](http://nornsmercy.hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Stop-Being-Camera-Shy) as well as still photography. [Playfulness](http://mbabride.com/confessions-of-an-engagement-photo-shoot-4-ways-to-overcome-camera-shyness/), even ageplay, can help overcome camera shyness. [Taking photos](http://lifehacker.com/5500170/use-your-camera-to-overcome-shyness-try-new-things) not only lessens camera shyness but other types of shyness as well.
> 
> Bruce shows signs of [social anxiety](http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/). It's likely that he started out as a shy personality, then the abuse and hunting turned that into a more serious -- and sadly justified -- terror of people and social situations. [Overcoming social anxiety](http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/overcoming-social-phobia/) can take a lot of work, but there are [many small steps](http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-a-Social-Phobia) that can be taken. Similarly, people can [learn to be brave](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Brave) and [take steps](http://tanamatales.com/12-tips-on-how-to-be-brave/) in that direction.
> 
> The custom of [bunny ears in photographs](http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/comments/the_bunny_ears_prank_a_history/) became common in the 1950s but nobody knows exactly when or why it started.
> 
> Tickling serves as [social bonding](http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2010-12/fyi-what-evolutionary-purpose-tickling). I was amused to find [an article](http://planetterry.wordpress.com/2013/04/03/a-ticklish-issue/) that mentioned what I call "Zen tickling," an energy trick for tickling people at a distance.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil supervises the makeup birthday party in the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends "Birthday Girl." If you've been reading this story, it's helpful to leave a comment on the last episode so I have an idea how many readers it has attracted. I'm also interested in feedback on how well this balances the more serious stories in the series. Thank you all for reading, and especially for the feedback you've given on earlier episodes.
> 
> The sequel is "[No Winter Lasts Forever](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9287951.html).

Phil Coulson presented himself to the harried parents at the corner of the pavilion. "We're from the Maria Stark Foundation, here to provide free entertainment for the makeup birthday party," he said. "The Tumbling Twins have been looking forward to this event." Phil gestured to Clint and Natasha, their white-painted faces topped by identical rainbow wigs.

"Yes, of course. The Foundation sent us a whole information packet!" the mother said, beckoning them forward.

Phil could see that the cake had likewise arrived, a towering confection topped with candied rosepetals and a marzipan princess. A Stark Industries bubble machine wafted iridescent spheres into the air through an ever-changing plate of blowholes. The bubbles ranged from marble size to head size. Tinkly party music emerged from a set of speakers.

"All right, everyone, gather around! The acrobats are here," the mother announced.

Children clustered around them, mostly girls in fresh pastel party dresses, piping questions in their high clear voices.

"Are you really twins?"

"Are you really acrobats?"

"What do you think?" Clint and Natasha replied. They sprang apart in graceful cartwheels. The girls applauded. Phil smiled proudly.

The Tumbling Twins twirled and bounced and flipped their way across the grassy park. They climbed over and under each other. They walked on their hands.

Clint and Natasha moved through the small crowd as if they were made of smoke and light. No matter how often the children reached out to try and touch them, they always spun away at the last moment, like an elegant game of tag.

The Tumbling Twins signed the birthday girl's cast in vivid purple ink. It joined the rainbow of care already traced over the white plaster.

Natasha appropriated a handful of butter knives from the table and juggled them. That turned into an impromptu lesson in juggling with colored beanbags from one of the party games. She showed everyone how to toss and catch one-handed, how to juggle two bags and three bags. The beanbags were safer and easier than knives. Natasha could afford to take a deadly skill and turn it into entertainment now.

Clint put his other circus skills to use by twisting balloons into creative shapes. He made an artful array of wiener dogs, swords, flowers, and princess crowns.

To their mutual amusement, the birthday girl requested both a crown and a sword. Clint happily obliged her. Phil smiled, remembering how the mother had attacked a Doombot with a lawn chair. Like mother, like daughter. Besides, Phil approved of self-saving princesses.

And if Clint smuggled home a green wiener dog for a friend, well, nobody minded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Candied rosepetals are used to decorate cakes and other confections. Yes, they really are edible; [roses are related to apples](http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/natbltn/200-299/nb277.htm). Candied rosepetals may be [bought from suppliers](http://www.markethallfoods.com/products.php?product=Candied-Rose-Petals). You can also make your own with a [hot](http://whiteonricecouple.com/recipes/candied-rose-petals-eden-rose/) or [cold](http://feteetfleur.blogspot.com/2011/04/candied-rose-petals-for-easter.html) recipe. Only use organic roses for cooking, though; ordinary ones can carry toxic chemicals.
> 
> [Marzipan](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marzipan) is an edible sculpture dough made from almonds and sugar. You can [buy marzipan](http://www.bergenmarzipan.net/) as dough or candies, or [make your own](http://candy.about.com/od/nougatmarzipancandy/r/Basicmarzipan.htm). There are [instructions on shaping it](http://www.ehow.com/how_5027274_shape-marzipan.html).
> 
> [Bubble machines](http://www.americandj.com/ProductDetails.aspx?ItemNumber=1763) make a pretty good cloud of bubbles, but they're notoriously finicky things to operate. Assume that Tony, who is a genius, has produced a design that's actually reliable. Somehow.
> 
> [Basic juggling](http://www.kalvan.net/howtojug/howtojug.htm) is pretty easy to learn with something like beanbags or balls. [One-handed juggling](http://www.wikihow.com/Juggle-With-One-Hand) and [knife juggling](http://www.juggling.org/help/other-props/knives.html) are harder. You can find many [juggling tricks](http://www.kingscascade.com/JugglingTricks.html) online.
> 
> [Balloon modelling](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balloon_modelling) appears in many entertainment contexts. There are numerous patterns for [balloon animals](http://balloon-animals.com/) and [other things](http://www.balloondesigns.net/freesite.html). See examples of a [weiner dog](http://magic.about.com/od/balloontwisting/ss/weinerdog.htm), [flower](http://balloon-animals.com/2012/07/two-balloon-flower/), [crown](http://www.mbd2.com/kidsstuff/princescrown/princesscrown-step1.htm), and [sword](http://magic.about.com/od/balloontwisting/tp/balloonswords.htm).

**Author's Note:**

> [Idyll](http://www.thefreedictionary.com/idyll) refers to a scene evoking the delights of nature. Most often this refers to a rural setting, but parks and other idyllic areas are [gaining popularity in cities](http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2012/nov/18/new-ruralism-takes-over-cities). There's a strong aspect of fantasy to this as people like to imagine the world being nicer than it is. Hence the heightened reaction when [Dr. Doom](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doctor_Doom) \-- with his particularly technological flavor of villainy -- ruins the illusion.
> 
> The [Fantastic Four](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantastic_Four) are a team of superheroes based in New York.  They are opponents of Dr. Doom, and allies of the Avengers.  
> 
> [Increased startle response](http://www.familyofavet.com/ptsd_symptoms_clinical_terms.html) is a common [symptom of PTSD](http://www.ncd.gov/publications/2009/March042009/section3). Sudden motions or noises may remind the survivor of hazards. Any loud popping sound -- balloons, fireworks, a car backfiring, etc. -- can sound like gunfire and have a negative effect on anyone who's been shot at before. I typically write Hulk as having a low startle threshold, but that applies to a lot of the other Avengers too, just not all in the same ways.
> 
> There are tips for [staying calm in a stressful situation](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Calm-in-a-Stressful-Situation) and how to [practice calm in everyday life](http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Calm).  The Avengers are helping Hulk develop a more [balanced life](http://tinybuddha.com/blog/9-tips-to-create-a-balanced-life/) so that he has experiences other than just violent ones.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cover art for "Birthday Girl"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12608092) by [Lehorin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lehorin/pseuds/Lehorin)
  * [Pin the Blame on the Bad Guy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12946038) by [Helgatwb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helgatwb/pseuds/Helgatwb)




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